50/50

    My husband and I have been married for six years now. Most of my friends are also married, and it cracks me up to hear them talk to and about their spouses. (Unless it gets too personal, and then it's just awkward and time to ask for the check.) I would say that my husband and I agree on most things, including what a marriage should be like. Some of my friends would probably disagree with us, but to each his own, right? I mean, what works for some folks, would be disastrous for others.


    I have therapy sessions with my girlfriends at the local sports bar a couple times a month. This fact alone is cause for quite some controversy depending on who you talk to about it. Some husbands might wonder why their wives want or need to go out without them. Others, like my husband, thoroughly enjoy complete control of the remote and refrigerator. Some wives think it's completely unacceptable that their husbands go out without them for a boys' night every now and then. I'm sure we can all think of a few different reasons for this, but it's on record that I'm perfectly OK with it.
 
    I think it's obvious that a spouse would not want his/her significant other to go out solo every night of the week, but I really don't understand what the big deal is with going out stag every now and then. I know of a woman who is APPALLED that my friend goes out without her husband a couple times a month. Her calendar must still read 1953. Take off the white gloves and loosen the bun, honey. And stop attempting to make my friend feel guilty for hanging out with the girls. Notice I said, "attempting". It's not working, and she doesn't feel guilty. Trust me, she's not doing body shots, dancing on the table, and getting digits. She wears her wedding ring, has a burger and a Blue Moon, talks about her kids, and vents about people who irritate her, like you. You may want to examine your own screwed up marriage instead of criticizing someone else's rock solid one.


    My husband and I have a 50/50 thing happening, and I love it. We split everything as close to the middle as possible. (Except for the Double Stuf Oreos; he tends to get a large majority on that one.) I sleep in sometimes, he sleeps in sometimes. If I want to go out, I go out. If he wants to go out, he goes out. If we want to go out together, we add up the cost of dinner, a movie, and a babysitter, then plop our asses on the couch in our sweatpants and watch Jersey Shore. This works for us. Some people would be bored to tears with the life with live, and I get that. Different strokes and whatnot. Some of my friends want the passionate lifestyle full of travel, dancing, afternoon delights and Times Square on New Year's Eve. Know what I do on New Year's Eve? I plop my ass on the couch in my sweatpants, watch Jersey Shore, and fill in the important dates on next year's calendar as my husband and I try desperately to stay awake until 12:01 am. And I LOVE it. I'm exhausted just thinking about what my passionate friends are doing, but kudos to them for doing what makes them happy. Maybe some day when the kids are older I'll have the energy for that sort of thing. Or not. Whatever.


   The 50/50 thing works because it's fair, and it makes sense to us. I'm a Libra and have always been a bit too preoccupied with making sure those scales are balanced. My mom always tells me that "Life isn't fair" and "Fair is a complexion" yadda, yadda, yadda, but I do believe that in most cases, it's not that hard to make things equal, and it makes for a happy marriage with less drama. This recipe will not work for those of you like Sammi and Ronnie who crave and thrive on the drama in your lives. You know who you are. (Wink.)


    To prove this point, I will go back to my bit about sleeping in. My husband and I are total monsters when we are sleep deprived, and we try to take turns sleeping in whenever possible. It's fair, and it works. I was talking about this with another stay-at-home-mom friend once, and she was shocked that I "let" my husband sleep in on Saturday or Sunday, whichever day I didn't get. She said, "I never let him sleep in. I'm the mom and I'm always just so tired." My reply was, "But he's the dad. That's not fair, and he's exhausted too." She had no response. Whether she ever "let" her husband sleep in after that, I will never know because we stopped speaking to each other shortly after that playdate.
 
    Fast forward to this summer at the swim club, where I got to talking to another mom on the same topic. This mom works full time and has a nanny for her twin boys, one of whom is autistic. She laughed when I said that Saturday was my day to sleep in. This woman then went on a tirade about how her husband never "lets" her sleep in and that she has to do everything for the kids and house in addition to working full time. I felt really bad, and didn't know what to say, so I just let her vent. She seemed to feel a little better when she was done. I should have invited her to one of our therapy sessions. I will remember to do that the next time I see her.


    It was then that I realized that these two wives had something in common; they both used the word "let" when talking about their husbands. I don't know about you other married couples out there, but I don't ask permission from my husband to do anything, and I don't expect him to ask for mine. Of course we are courteous to each other and discuss our plans ahead of time to make sure things are cool around the house, but you'll never hear me seriously say that I "let" my husband grab a beer with the guys or that he "let" me go to T.J. Maxx by myself for a little while. I believe this is the main reason that my husband is not a topic I need to unload about at our girls' night out therapy sessions. The size of my ass, the leak in the basement, and the Cheerios all over the house; yes. My husband; no.


    I can't help but think that these two couples might benefit from the whole 50/50 thing. It just seems so obvious to me, and I don't understand why so few couples I meet practice it. I'm certainly not saying that I have it all figured out, but I'm pretty sure that my husband and I will be perfectly content sitting on the couch in our sweatpants, watching Jersey Shore: Assisted Living in 2061.