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Tuesday, September 11, 2012

"I'm Going to Crunch You Into Little Tiny Pieces"

Yesterday I posted a short video on Facebook of the kids in the minivan. There was yelling, crying, laughing, kicking, etc. They sang the words "best day ever" over and over again, and Luke told Caroline he was "going to crunch her into little tiny pieces" a few times, which made her cry. (RJ was pretty quiet in the back, which is unusual.) Then there was more laughing, singing, yelling, and crying.

It was only one minute long, and it was enough to make most people want to rip their hair out and/or drink heavily.

This. Is. My. Life.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life and I'm super lucky to have what I have. But sometimes Mama just needs a goddamn break. And I love that other moms get it. I was dropping RJ off at school yesterday and the aid noticed that I didn't have the other two kids with me. She asked me where they were and I told her my mom was watching them because I had an appointment at the dentist. She laughed and said, "Enjoy your little break! Isn't it sad that even a trip to the dentist is like a mini-vacation?"

Yep. She gets it.

That half hour I spent at the dentist was the equivalent of a day at the spa in my world. Hell, peeing without interruption is like friggin' Christmas vacation. People still tell me I'll miss this when they're older, yadda, yadda, yadda. Yeah, we'll see.

I remember when I first left teaching to be a stay-at-home mom. I wasn't due until November, so I got to enjoy most of my pregnancy over the summer without having to work. I was essentially a housewife. My OCD was in full force and 100% satisfied. The house was always clean, the laundry was done, the bills were paid, etc. I had no one to take care of during the day except the lil peanut in my belly. And it was glorious. Now? Now I have three kids needing my constant, undivided attention as they alternate between states of euphoria and devastation. (I'm lucky if I have time to brush my teeth, let alone clean the house.) Everything in their little minds is either the best or the absolute worst thing in the world. There is rarely an in-between. Seriously, what is that about? They'll be laughing and singing one minute, and literally screaming and crying the next. Then back to the laughing again. It's like a bad movie scene in a mental institution. Or a cartoon. Or both. Holy crap, that's it. I run the Bikini Bottom Insane Asylum.

Jesus. I just summed up my life in those seven words. And now I need a shot.


Fire Wife said...

Heck, we only have one kid, and sometimes momma needs a break. I go nuts if I don't get my alone time once in a while. Thank God for grandparents!

Kelly Sater said...

Showering alone with the door closed is like a spa experience for me.

Eva Gallant said...

Hugs to you, girl! It will get better one day, promise!

Maggie S. said...

Both are true. You need a break. And. You will want it back when someone is 15 and talking to you like you are their hired help.

jesterqueen said...

Oh my GOD yes, driving is the worst. I kind of lose it if it goes on too long. I have to stop and wait, because I can only do the distracted driving thing for so long before I crash. And then, they're like, "MOM MOM LET'S GO WHY DID YOU STOP MOM, MOM MOM!??"

DazedandCreative said...

Dazed and Creative says, " I remember the days when it was just one...and then there were 4! I was trying, aiming and hoping for 3 but the big man upstairs had a different plan for me. My plan: to have a nice round family like my in laws. God's plan: place me in a mental institution like my mama:/ (last 1 was twins) haha " I often hide in the pantry in the dark and eat oreos;)They wander around the house saying, "Where's mommy?" hehehe