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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Does This Make Me Look Fat?

    Recently a friend posted on Facebook that as an anniversary gift to her husband, she was going to shed a few pounds. I believe her words were, "I'm giving him less of me." I thought it was awesome and I'm totally doing it too. I understand that some women, maybe even most women, would be all, "Girl, he should love you just the way you are, blah, blah, blah." And I only sort of agree with them. I mean, it's nice to be loved completely and unconditionally, but it's also nice not to have your husband look at you and wonder where the hell the woman he married went. It's nice not to feel insecure when you see your husband checking out the other women at the office Christmas party. I know my husband looks at other women. I have no problem with it. Sometimes I'll try to figure out which one he thinks is the hottest, just for shits and giggles. Sure, they're often thinner than me with huge tits and an ass you could bounce a quarter off of. Who cares? SHE'S HOT. How can you NOT look? It's normal, ladies. Relax. It doesn't mean he loves you any less. If you caught him with her in the bathroom at said party, then, sure, you can go ahead and freak out. I'll help you kill them both. That's an entirely different story. 

    I see nothing wrong with trying to look your best for your husband, boyfriend, significant other, etc. I think you should also do it for YOU, but if it's a motivator that your husband will be happy about it too, then even better. I'm not saying you should ever compromise who you are or try to be something that you're not. That's also an entirely different story and one that I'm not a fan of. I'm just saying that I don't see a problem with trying to make your spouse happy by making yourself look good. Sometimes it's as simple as taking a shower and getting out of your goddamn pajamas once in a while. 

    When I ask my husband if I look fat, if my hair looks bad, or if my outfit is terrible, I want the truth. Some women want to hear that they look fantastic no matter what they look like. Sorry, but I'd be pissed if my husband let me leave the house looking like an asshole. He'll never stand there and say, "Yeah, you look enormous. Take that off." But he will say something like, "Eh. You've looked better." Or "Maybe those jeans are working a little too hard." And I'm not even a little offended because he's often right. I may disagree or not care, but at least he was honest. And I'm grateful for that. I don't need or want him to blow sunshine up my ass. That's not helpful to me. I also don't constantly ask him how I look. That's what mirrors are for. He's just my second opinion. Sure, I'm often insecure about my body, especially after having three children, but I try not to bother him about it too much. (Try.)

   So, I wish the best of luck to my friend in her efforts to give her husband less of herself, as I try to do the same. (I also cyber high-five her husband for marrying such an awesome woman.) I realize this may annoy or offend some women out there and I only sort of understand how. So, if you find this annoying, offensive, or otherwise wrong, I'd like to hear why. I don't think like most women, so this sort of thing often fascinates me. And while you're working on your hate mail, I'm going to throw away all of my Halloween candy. 


Mary Kate said...

There's nothing like looking at person who's going to lay down next to you every night forever and seeing desire in their eyes, especially if you know that desire has been lacking or missing for a little while. Wanting to feel wanted is a terrible feeling yet a great motivator. Whether it is losing weight, dressing better, increasing your energy level, doing something spontaneous and romantic,... whatever small change within your everyday life helps you to see that spark in his/her eyes again is well worth it. Mostly for your own sake. Every girl wants to feel desired. Kudos to you and your friend. As you continue on your journeys to give less to him, enjoy the looks from across the [living] room! ;)

SherilinR said...

i think that volunteering to lose weight for your spouse is great. i think having the spouse tell you you're looking fat and need to drop some poundage is bad. i've recently lost 75 lbs and my husband definitely looks at me lustfully more often now, but he never once told me i looked bad or turned off the lights for sex, even when i was at my biggest.
good luck to you! here's to a healthier version of yourself and the potential for more mutual attraction with your man.

A Little Lucidity said...

Thanks! I was the one to initiate it, but for whatever reason, I'm totally ok with him telling me I need to drop a few pounds as long as he's not a total asshole about it.

Eva Gallant said...

Tact is the key. Not all men have a command of it.

Jester Queen said...

"When I ask my husband if I look fat, if my hair looks bad, or if my outfit is terrible, I want the truth. So"

I spent years teaching my husband that this question isn't loaded. For fuck's sake, if I look like hell, I'd rather be told NOW than wander out in public. I usually ask 'does it make me look bad', but that's semantics, since most women do seem to associate fat with bad. (I don't, but the question means the same damned thing.)

Anyway, I think a lot of women ask the question because they are yearning for a compliment. THey figure, "hey, I could use a compliment from him. I want him to notice this outfit. But if I have to ask him for one then it won't be much of a compliment. So I'll ask him for his opinion. Which I'm sure in advance will be good. Or which I want so badly to be good that my own miserable reaction will shock me."

I think the first time I walked down the hall at my mother in law's and asked Scott, "Do these look OK on me" and he said, "They look too tight across the back", she expected fireworks, not "Thanks, hon." . (The problem wasn't fat - it was that the pants didn't fit. You can look good in anything if you get the right size. I hand't.)

Jackie Ladner said...

Love the article.
Featured your blog today.... can't wait to share it with all my friends.

Carrie's Just Mildly Medicated said...

AWESOME! Yes I want to be loved for who I am not my weight but I'd like to be downright worshiped for my awesomeness!Nothing wrong with putting in some effort for the man, he may just do the same ;)
Carrie from Just Mildly Medicated